KISMET!

I wanted to write a serious story about Kismet, but I kept trying and it just sounded...forced. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my big man cat. I am very obsessed with him. I miss him the second I leave for work in the morning and I get antsy on the train home waiting to see him. I talk about him so much that friends of mine who have never met him send him presents and follow his blog obsessively. Whenever I get tipsy at happy hours, my first wish is that Kismet had a cell phone so I could let him know how great he is. I'm sort of incapable of leaving him alone -- for example, he'll be zonked out on the cable box and I'll wake him up to kiss his paw pads and make sure he knows he's a big guy and that I love him. But I mean, he's Kismet. A loving, touching story about him would probably just embarrass him and make him roll his eyes (if he could). So instead, I wrote a rap. I think it's actually more of a poem, but I'm passing it off as a rap because I really think Kismet will like it better that way. In case the poem leaves you scratching your head, a more straightforward arrival story can be found on Kismet's catster page. :) Now, here is my big man cat rap!

I walked into PetSmart one fine day
Not knowing what would come my way
I was there to look, I was missing my cats
But knew I couldn't get a new one yet - rats!

There were cages full of nice kittens
With little white paws just like mittens
There were orange and black ones
Big and small,
But I felt no tug from them at all

I was about to leave with just a sigh
When a corner cage caught my eye
I bent down, reached out my hand
And that's when I first saw the big man

Leaning against the side of the bars
Big feets crossed, such long whiskers
He looked at me like, "Who might you be?
Do you see that I'm big? Do you kinda like me?
Isn't this dumb? I barely fit here!
But don't feel too sad, don't shed a tear
I'm mostly just mad, not really hurt
Because they're making me sit here without a shirt."

I wanted him then! I said "Give me him!"
But they said "No way, be a volunteer instead!"
So for a few months I cleaned out the litter
But I never saw Kismet, I got kind of bitter
And then, months later, I got this email
It said "Remember Kismet? He's got a long tail!
He's just really big! He was being fostered!
But he's better now and we want him adopted!"

I replied and said, "Uh, hello, I want him!"
And they said, "Okay, but first, some questions!
Do you have any thoughts about big man cats?"
I said, "I love them! I understand they're not fat!"
They said, "Very good, you pass the first test!
Now do you think cat shirts are really the best?"
I said, "I sensed Kismet had good fashion sense,
Even though he was naked, and somewhat incensed."
They said, "You sound perfect! Just one question more -
How do you feel about cat pee on your floor?"
I said, "Not the floor, it's hardwood, and new,
But if he peed on the couch, I'd say, good for you!"
They said, "Come get him! We'll break out champagne!"
So I took him to Brooklyn on the F train

It's been just a year but seems longer in span
As I can't picture my life without this big man

He sleeps on my TV,
He pees on my couch,
He likes to wear shirts that show off his man pouch

He eats too much food,
And then throws it back up,
And then eats it again with this face that's like "...What?"

When I sing in the shower,
He attempts harmony,
When I get into bed,
He tries to hump me

I've bought him more shirts
Than I own for myself
I've had to move my belongings
To a much higher shelf

But I love him so much, I don't notice all this.
What I notice instead, is his sandpaper kiss;
His super big feets and his big whisker humps,
How he makes me smile when I'm down in the dumps.

When my alarm doesn't work, he will wake me up,
Just a paw on my mouth and a face like, "get up!"
I spoon him at night and we have such deep chats,
He is my most favorite of all Brooklyn's cats

I miss him as soon as I close the door,
He brings me such joy, I couldn't ask for more
I love him so much and he is my best friend
And I have to stop writing
I MUST SMOOCH HIS HEAD!

Link to my blog: Kismet Man Cat